Necessity of Solitude

There’s a line in my CRP, This Side of Paradise, in which Amory Blaine’s mother says to him, “No one person is necessary to you or me.” This is the protagonist’s mother, at the beginning of the book, telling her young child an important reminder for the future. She is simply reminding him, in nine words, that he can thrive just as easily with no one by his side.

The statement is ironic, because through out the first chapter, Amory’s mother never leaves his side. In their immense wealth, she does all she can to make sure he is perfectly healthy and happy. When he is sick, there are multiple doctors always by his side. So it is almost comical to hear her say that no one is necessary.

The word necessary has always bothered me. In humor, people always say things like “that wasn’t necessary,” or ask “Was that necessary?” and my response in my head is always “No, but is anything?”
My thoughts were reflected by Beatrice’s words in the book. But I came to realize that when we say necessary there is an implied “to” after the word; money is necessary to live, books are necessary to read.

So what is Beatrice Blaine trying to really say? That “no one person is necessary to live”? I guess so, because in Amory’s life, he discovers that his solitude is all he possesses, as he cries out as the novel ends “I know myself…but that is all.”

Amory loses love, friends, and all of his wealth through out the novel. His life is not over, but his purpose has seemingly been dissolved. No one is necessary for his survival, but they must somehow be necessary, as he is now miserable, right?

Loneliness is a powerful foe. There is little to do to drive it away. Sure, a person by himself or herself may call a friend or something to that effect, but in the end they are still alone. We as Christians are called to embrace loneliness, I believe.

My mission statement (one that I am terrible at putting to action) is that I influence as many as I can with just my attitude. As I’ve said before, through 1 John 4:16, it is our Christian calling to show love through our actions, rather than just preach verses and hope to convert. Therefore, when I think of solitude, I realize it is one of the key schisms in my religion. We are called to love but told we will be alone? That doesn’t seem to make sense.

In Ecclesiastes 1:3-4, Solomon writes “What benefit to people get from all the effort which they expend on earth? A generation comes and a generation goes, but the earth remains the same through the ages.”

Here, Solomon preaches disaster, and in reading this I wonder our meaning and purpose. We are definitely called to be alone on this earth at times, because God will always be with us. Sometimes this feeling of ultimate futility stems from us attempting to fight through the loneliness without our God on our team. He is our coach, and leader. We can’t play without our coach.

He even says “Then they will hand you over to be persecuted and will kill you. You will be hated by all the nations because of my name.” (Matthew 24:9) stating in plain bold words that we will be alone, and it will be for Him. We may struggle and hurt, we may lose hope, but we can find our strength in the fact that no matter how dark the space is around us, no matter how much pain we go through, God is still holding us up.

In the (fantastically twisted) movie Donnie Darko, a seemingly crazy old woman named Roberta Sparrow, or “Grandma Death” as the town calls her, approaches Donnie, whispering unknown words in his ear.
Later, Donnie tells his therapist about this occurrence.

Doctor: “Well what did she say to you?”
Donnie: “She said that every living creature dies alone.”
Doctor: “How did that make you feel?”
Donnie: “It reminded me of my dog Callie. She died when I was eight. She crawled underneath the porch.”
Doctor: “To die?”
Donnie: “To be alone.”

This almost meaningless chat in the movie struck me as powerful, as I understood that internal struggle is universally lonely in that moment. The dog, feeling its strength going away, fled from the ones who cared for it, to be alone as it died. We constantly flee from the world when we are in pain. When people ask “Are you okay?” we respond with “I’m fine.” And put on a smile.

It’s alright to be in good spirit in the bad times, and it’s good to seclude yourself sometimes, just don’t try and succeed through those times without your God. I’ve tried, and you probably have too. It doesn’t work too often.

Cheers, & God bless,
Austin